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You’re too young
Our church here in Blacksburg, Virginia has seen growth in the last two years. It’s exciting, humbling and at times discouraging.
How can great growth be discouraging, you may ask? Well, when the faucet is turned on all the way, and the water is flowing, you sometimes don’t notice that there are small leaks. We’ve had that in our church amid the growth. Though many are being poured in, and the enthusiasm of new faces, transformation and joy captures our attention, we are also aware of a slow trickle of folks exiting our church.
I had a conversation with someone recently who is leaving our church, and he was gracious and kind enough to visit with me and affirmed our leadership and our church. He and his family are long-time members of our church (about 5-6 years in an eight year-old church). They joined our church from another church in the area a few years after it started. The growth of the last two years has caused some concern for him.
Since I’ve been pastor, we’ve heard different reasons for people who have chosen to exit our church for others:
- The sermons are too long.
- The music is too loud.
- It doesn’t seem like the kind of church you can raise your family in.
- Not enough children’s ministry.
- You’re not organized enough.
Those are most of the reasons we’ve heard.
One of the most baffling, however, is one that we hear a lot: You’re becoming a “college church.”
You see, we’ve been seeing exponential growth among our college student and graduate student population. I would think that’s to be expected in a town where Virginia Tech dominates the landscape and local politics. It’s a campus of almost 30,000, and I would hope that a church in its shadow is reaching its staff and students. While our growth has been steady in many demographics (we’re not successfully reaching new people who are 60+), the college and graduate student population of our church has grown at a faster rate than others.
So our church is growing “younger,” percentage-wise.
This was the underlying reason for the man I visited with, though he also said that his family wanted something more “traditional” and more “stable.” Both are fair desires.
In our community, there is lots of transition. It does get exhausting, and at times, disheartening to pour yourself into someone’s life only to have that person or family move in 2-3 years. Then you start over and do it again. And again. I can understand the desire for a more consistent and stable church experience.
On the other hand, I personally have also been around churches that only grow as a result of a fight at another church. They aren’t reaching the younger generations. They aren’t developing new leaders. They are essentially shuffling sheep and satisfied with status quo. You won’t find yourself on a leadership board or committee there unless you’ve been there for years.
I know of churches that are dying for young people. Literally. Their congregation is graying, and as much as they want young adults, they’re not prepared to make the adjustments and sacrifices that a vibrant ministry to and with people in their 20s and 30s requires.
It’s a strange, surreal situation that we’re in. People are leaving us because we’re too young.
I wish we had more older adults with the vision of teaching the younger adults what it looks like to walk in humble, obedient joy with Jesus. I think it’s a beautiful gift that one generation can give to another. I also think it’s biblical and intentional.
We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done. (Psalm 78.4)O God, from my youth you have taught me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
So even to old age and gray hairs,
O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim your might to another generation,
your power to all those to come. (Psalm 71-17-18)
I think the point is that wisdom generally comes with age and is meant to be passed on. Wherever there’s young people, there is immense opportunity to leave a legacy of faith, obedience and righteousness. You may have to sacrifice stability and comfort in order to invest in young people.
On the other hand, we have consistent leadership discussions in our church about how to encourage and minister to older adults as well. We ask how a church that is reaching young adults can also appeal and reach out to the older adults in its community. We have no concrete answers at present, but we are praying consistently that God would bring older adults with a vision of discipling others – both old and young – into our fellowship.
What are your thoughts?
Don’t grow weary in doing well my friend! Wish I lived in the area. I’d disciple a young Tim or 2 I They allowed me into their lives. And I believe there are a few older adults in the area who feel the same way. Thanks God for those who remain w/u and r willing to give of themselves to others. Challenge the college students to give of themselves NOW, to others who are not like them (I.e., youth/children & the non-collegiate) so that the culture of “disciplining other not like u” will become Northstar’s culture. Northstar has the right… Read more »
I can understand the yearn for a family to want something stable and comfortable for them to grow in Christ, however, do you not find that in God? God is forever there and forever loves us-is that not stable? Isn’t it comforting to know that He will always provide? that He made promises to us that He’ll never break? Being a member of this church, I do understand that there is a need for an older generation to witness and disciple with us younger college folk. If we don’t have a vast number of people to do that-it just means… Read more »
I wish we had more older adults with the vision of teaching the younger adults what it looks like to walk in humble, obedient joy with Jesus. I think it’s a beautiful gift that one generation can give to another. I also think it’s biblical and intentional.” You got it! I think a crucial point to have true discipleship and expanding love in a church that is so geographically close to a massive university is how the older and honestly much wiser generation can disciple those like myself who are in the major screwing up stage of life (for the… Read more »
When working in College Ministry we heard it all!!:) We even got in trouble for going over our Glorieta budget bc we took 55 students which was 46 more than the previous inaugural year we went. Complaints were even greater about them being in leadership roles bc we do not live in a college town and our turnover is every 2 years. Jeff, you know certain folks are thinking,”they are young, they don’t and can’t tithe like married folks, they stay up too late, play their music too loud and will be gone in at least four years.” It’s a… Read more »
I believe this problem is coming from two areas. I agree that there is a need for older adults to be willing to mentor and pour into younger generations, but I think that the college students need to be held accountable as well. Too many college students are willing to come in the doors on Sunday morning and keep a seat warm, but a lot of the college students are not getting connected any deeper than attendance. On both fronts you are fighting the same battle. It is a learned behavior that has been passed on to the older adults… Read more »
Very few people I meet go to church asking what they can give, but only what they can get. Sure most folks are willing to give some, but when the balance tips the other way then that means it is time to change brands. It is the a part of the American culture that has warped our view on church. To go to church only looking to give requires a true sense of calling and a deep walk with the Lord. No one wants to pour into something and not feel like they are getting something back. I understand that… Read more »
Plus young men like me that have an amazing source of fellowship within their university through campus ministries have trouble seeing the importance in investing their time into a Church on top of the discipleship they get from their peers. So we go to Church on Sundays as an homage to the tradition of a worship service, and to spend a small part of our week worshiping with a diverse age group, listening to an organized sermon from someone wiser than ourselves while being encouraged by witnessing different families and their dependence on Christ post-college. It gives us hope that… Read more »
I look at being a part of a church like I look at marriage in a way. For me to find the right church is a huge decision that I don’t take lightly. Once God has shown me that that church is the one I want to give 100% regardless of the return. I don’t pour out myself in hopes getting something back from that church. I don’t serve that church at all. I am serving God, and that church is simply one outlet for me to do that. Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying that everyone who… Read more »
“And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshipping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshipping ourselves.”
Jeff’s head is gonna explode when he sees our comments 😀
This goes to show us how change can really frighten people! Sounds like you’re blooming where you’re planted – good job!
Interesting problem. My mom said to me when she visited recently that if Northstar were in her and my dad’s town, they would most definitely go because she sees life and willingness to change and openness to the Spirit. She also said that she didn’t know many Christians her age (mid-50s) in the last college town she lived in. I think we reflect our community to some extent, and God has placed us in Blacksburg.
I had a man in his 80s who visited his daughter who goes to our church stop me one day after church and encourage me in much the same way, Melissa. I wonder what the percentage of “reached” senior adults is for the NRV? How can a church purposely mobilize to reach them?
It’s a great question, and one we need to think about. An example is that I’m a Ph.D. student, in theory training to be a professor, and I don’t know any professors at our church. I know many VCOM students at Northstar, but not doctors. We’re missing half of the age range somehow, and they are an important part of our community. I’ll have a brainstorm with my parents sometime soon, they seemed to have thoughts on it.
This has been an issue that seems to have smoothed itself out somewhat. Providing consistent leadership in key positions is one thing that has helped. Another thing that seems to be helping is the D 28 ministry where older folks are encouraged to disciple new were believers. It seems that given time things will balance. Keeping this long-term thinking in perspective (and being able to go back and look at earlier thoughts) can be helpful. In a culture where families are often under attack celebrating them and calling out there importance and role in both civil society and the church… Read more »
I think one unforeseen reality of growing churches is that there are seasons in which growth can displace organization and strategy. In such times, church staffs are more in “response mode†than planning mode. We have definitely experienced that at Northstar. Then there are seasons of sustainable growth in which planning and vision and strategy return to the forefront. During one of the most rapid growth seasons of our church, we began seeing over 700 in attendance, and we were attempting to serve them and organize with only two full-time staff members! We were blessed to have som key volunteers… Read more »