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The Mayor of Walmart
I know, I know. You feel unworthy. I promise to remember all of you little people out there and ensure that you continue to save money by shopping at Walmart. However, one of my EOs will be to make sure the store is always well-stocked with Diet Cream Soda.
It happened. I couldn’t believe it. Walmart associates rushed to the front of the store with beaming smiles and warm welcomes. New employees there approached more hesitantly, a hushed awe displayed upon their wondering faces. No one who came to work at the Christiansburg, Virginia Walmart that morning knew there’d be a regime change. Sighs of relief were quickly drowned by exultant cheers when the new leader raised his hand in humble greeting. A happy look of surprise and gratitude slowly spread across his face.
Hail me, Jeff Noble, the new Mayor of Walmart in Christiansburg, Virginia.
It was a wondrous moment… Poor Paul.
How I did it
I have been using an app called Swarm to “check in” to places for years. It was previously named Foursquare. I most often use it when I’m bored, standing in line or whatnot. The beauty of the app is that if you have more consecutive check-ins to a place than other app users, you are suddenly awarded with an animated screen showing you “dethroning” the current leader (mayor), and you are awarded a crown and become the new “mayor” of that locale.
There’s something extremely satisfying about dethroning someone. I have nemeses in various places around town. I’ll get notices on my the app often that I’ve been dethroned. Keeping your royal position is hard to do in places that have high traffic – like Walmart. So I did a little happy dance when the app displayed my new honor.
Detractors
I have friends and family who snakily suggest that the reason I receive an occasional mayorship is because no one else uses the app. I feel sorry for their small hearts of thinly disguised jealousy. It’s got to be hard to be friends with someone who has not just been the mayor of Walmart but also the mayor of international airports and even coffee shops in Senegal and Istanbul.
Oh, the places I’ve been
One supremely cool thing about Swarm is how it lets you know the last time you were at a location (if you remembered to check in). Sometimes I’ll go to a restaurant or go visit our kids, and when we go someplace we’ve been before, it’s sometimes helpful to be reminded, “You’re back! You haven’t been to ___ since 2017.”
So the next time you’re passing through Christiansburg and need something from Walmart, mention that you know the mayor, and I’m sure they will treat you right. Oh, and my condolences to Paul…
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