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Leaving your church
Three years ago, I wrote a short entry called When it’s time to leave your church. I’ve been amazed at the amount of traffic that entry continues to receive. Invariably I notice that people find it after searching the web with “how to know when to leave my church” or “how to leave your church.” Church hopping is passe’. In the 21st century, folks don’t seem to be looking for another church. Many are ready to give up on church completely.
If this is you, or if you’re in the former group of struggling to stay in your church, I hope you’ll leave feedback that will be constructive and helpful for others on their journey. I intend this entry to be the first in a follow-up series to the original entry.
Since there are a more reasons why people consider not going to their church any longer than there are fire ant mounds in south Arkansas, we’ll be taking this slowly. Examining your reasons for not going are more important than stopping going.
They can be as simple as…
- I’m tired of the routine, the same-old, same-old.
- It’s boring.
- I don’t get anything out of the ________ (sermons, programs, ministries).
- Someone else always beats me to the best dessert at potlucks.
- I just don’t feel connected there.
To as complex and meaningful as…
- I’m concerned about the biblical teaching there (or lack thereof).
- The leadership of the church is becoming ____________ (cultish, autocratic, unhealthy, insert your adjective).
- The church is consumed with themselves.
- My family has not been ministered to there.
In future entries, we will be exploring these and other reasons for leaving your church. As a pastor of a church, my goals are:
- To evaluate your relationship with Christ and help you embrace the Church as His bride and chosen method of world redemption. This will help you view “church” in a biblical and reverent manner.
- To get you to consider your own heart and its blamelessness. This willensure that you are willing to forgive if necessary.
- To evaluate if you are a victim of consumerism, materialism or false worldviews in your own assessment of your church or your approach to it. The lens that we view life through may cloud our vision and understanding of reality.
- To help you leave well (if possible and if leaving is actually what you need to do).
- To provide you with a framework for the next church that you will serve Christ through.
Obviously, I’m biased toward the church. We will examine this mystery together as sincere sleuths, seeking to arrive at proper deductions. But make no mistake, there are enough twists and turns in our relationship with the people of God to provide fodder for the best thriller for eternity:
“This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5.32
I hope you’ll tag along for this journey. Stay tuned….
Love/hate the topic. As a church leader, I always hate seeing people leave, no matter what the reason. It hurts when they leave saying they hate “us” when only one or two people had anything to do with them leaving. It brings joy, however, when we as leaders get an opportunity to “sow” people into church plants or struggling churches in need of quality leadership/talent! There are so many ways I could jump into this one, like the way people say they aren’t growing, so they are leaving – yet they seldom come to Bible study/Discipleship/worship. My suggestion to people… Read more »
When people leave the church, it does not mean they are leaving God or Christ or love or faith behind. They are simply leaving a too orgainized, homogenized version of the Truth and returning to true fellowship with God without the restraints and commands of ‘those in charge’. I have been in ‘the church’ for over 50 years. I was raised in church. Some of it was great especially the potlucks. Or the fun times. Even some of the serious times were great because it helped me see togetherness and love. But it is the OTHER that crucifies the Lord… Read more »
I have been wanting to leave my church for a long time because of it’s autocratic leadership and there are some people with condescending attitudes which make me sometimes feel I am intellectually or socially inferior and it has made me come to realize that this church is no longer the right one for me because it has stolen my joy that I used to possess every time I attended. There is also partiality in the church and the pastor and associate pastors seem to go out of thier way to make harsh and unkind remarks to me. These are… Read more »
Also, should I just say I am leaving or should I go into more details with why and what problems have made me come to this conclusion. I feel this would cause a lot of people to get angry. This letter would be sent to the church leaders. Should I just send it to a couple or all or just the pastor. Thanks!
Hi, I am sorry to read that you are having problems. I am not going to pry but I shall pray for you during these difficult times.
I shall pray to The Lord Jesus and ask him to surround you with His love, and to give you His joy, peace and strength and
to give you guidance, i.e, what he wants you do!
If things improve please let me know via this web-site.
Grenville
I have been contemplating leaving my church for 7 years now. It started when my oldest was leaving for college. They were close to the Pastor and they looked up to him as a father figure but the pastor did not want my oldest to go to college he wanted him to go local. The Pastor has a MS in Psychology and is sort of a dictator and often tries to use reverse psychology to get someone to see things his way and I noticed him trying to make a puppet out of my child but I did not want… Read more »
This is the first straw. The next issue I have had is the Pastor telling the congregation that they are cursed if they do not pay their tithes. Not regarding he has a poor congregation and the people have many financial issues. I have been a faithful tither since I was 14 and there is a record kept of everyones giving. But when I was laid off, not one deacon came and asked me if I needed anything but did ask someone in the church who was close to me why I stopped paying tithes. When I found employment I… Read more »
Grenville, I resigned from Sunday School and it seemed to go better than I thought it would but things have gotten worse since I decided to stick around. My husband leads the men’s ministry and he is now having all of the same problems I was having. I just wish we could leave but he is intent on staying. Maybe someday he’ll get tired of it or maybe I will end up just going to a different church. We are now having some of the same problems as Sara. We have always faithfully tithed but now we are having financial… Read more »
I’ve chosen to delete some comments that seemed to be a dialogue between former members of Riviera Christian Centre in Australia about issues they had while there. I received a kind email from another former member that pointed out that the debate that was going on here was not really suited for Christian unity. I agree. There are better places to hash things out regarding a church in Australia than on the blog of a pastor in Virginia.