Intentional relationships: a grid for faith connections

I treat people differently. We all do. If you treated your barista like you treated your grandmother, you may get free refills. If you treated your grandmother like you treat your barista, you may not get a birthday card with a $5 bill in it. (then again, if you really like your barista…)

You get the point.

My parameters for whether I am patient or prickly with others most often revolve around matters of faith. I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. One of the most important things about being His disciple is continually growing in how I treat other people. ¹

Everyone should consider how they treat others. It matters eternally. But we are not to treat everyone the same way. As we grow in maturity, we learn how to be intentional in the ways we interact with others.

Among many instant, gut-level, intuitive ways that we interact with others, we should also have a filter through which we pass our most important interactions.

Here are three guidelines for me and why they are informed by the faith of the person I’m interacting with:

1. For those who aren’t a Christian (yet), I am mindful that what I say and do can help nudge them toward becoming a Christ-follower themselves. So I look for ways to communicate, serve, encourage and hopefully illuminate their thinking so that they can understand their own need to be saved.
2. For those who aren’t a Christian and don’t want to follow Jesus, I observe and treat them carefully. Some of them may ridicule and treat harshly the concept and any messenger that suggests they (and others) need to be saved. When I see that happening, I am wary. I’m on guard. I seek not to disparage them or their character, but I can’t treat them with innocent naïveté either. Some might only be skeptical and be able to be respectful. Others could be rude. Some could even be a spiritual enemy. In short, the don’t want to be saved camp is treated with discernment.
3. For those who are follower of Christ, I want to be mindful that what I do and say can encourage, inspire and even help nurture their continued growth in faith. I want to be a source of hopefulness and even an example to them. I also want to learn. Some of these are “on fire” believers and some of these are, well, smoldering. I want to learn and grow from those actively and faithfully living for Christ, and I want to gently but firmly nudge the others toward renewal and repentance.

Those are my quick, often on-the-fly parameters for intentionally engaging with others. I often ask diagnostic questions (informal and normal) to ascertain where a person might be on the faith spectrum. It’s not difficult to determine, once you’re practiced at it.

Here are a few of my biblical guard rails for how I treat others:

• Be ready to engage with others on a spiritual level, and do so with care.
  “…but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, ready at any time to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you. Yet do this with gentleness and reverence, keeping a clear conscience, so that when you are accused, those who disparage your good conduct in Christ will be put to shame.” (1 Peter 3:15-16)
• Give respect to those who deserve respect – either by position or merit.
  “Pay your obligations to everyone: taxes to those you owe taxes, tolls to those you owe tolls, respect to those you owe respect, and honor to those you owe honor.” (Romans 13:7)
• Avoid being argumentative, and be aware of teachable moments. You never know when God is at work in a person’s life.
  “The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, instructing his opponents with gentleness. Perhaps God will grant them repentance leading them to the knowledge of the truth.” (2 Timothy 2:24-25)

Finally, here are some foundational principles that I live by and will always look for ways to communicate with Group #1 above and reinforce in Group #3:

• There is a God.
• He has a distinct character.
• He is independent and other from humanity.
• He made all that is, including me and you.
• He is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present, all-good.
• He has chosen to relate with humanity in a very distinct and prescribed way.
• He has communicated to humanity about Himself, His expectations and His will through revealing Himself. These revelations were written down and faithfully passed on, and they are divinely preserved for us in the Bible.
• The reason God has revealed Himself is because He chooses to love.
• The reason I need saving is that humanity turned against God shortly after we were created.
• That act of disbelief and rebellion infected humanity. It’s what the Bible calls “sin.”
• In God’s love, He provided a way for humanity to be reunited in love with Him by sending His Son Jesus to point the way, to pay for my/our sins, and to provide salvation for all who willingly choose to place their faith in Him.

If you happen to have read this far and are intrigued or even confusingly interested in these spiritual truths, drop me a message here or DM me on Twitter. I’d love to intentionally and respectfully engage with you. I’ll even listen to your complaints, hurts or fears. I would want you to do that for me if our positions were reversed. ²

1. Jesus didn’t tell the parable of the Good Samaritan and explain that the second greatest commandment is “love your neighbor as yourself” for no reason. How we treat others matters eternally.[↩]
2. That’s the “Golden Rule” that Jesus taught as well: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12) [↩]