In debt… to God?

I’ve been reading through Romans, section by section, thought by thought, for over a month. I use a journaling Bible (NIV) right now in my devotionals, and typical the section headings – not the chapter divisions – provide my content for reflection. Often, I’ll read only a sentence before a thought/inspiration (and even an attitude correction) moment hits.

I owe God everything.

I live in this place of constant gratitude to God. “I owe God everything.” I imagine you do too, if you’re a follower of Jesus. Even for those who aren’t Christians, there are occasional moments of crisp awareness in life where an overwhelming sense of “fortune” or blessing breaks through their normal self-sufficiency like a cascade of bracingingly cold spring water on a hot day.

Because we are aware of being graced, we rightly praise. We thank God and are humbled for all the things we know we don’t deserve. And on a really good day of humble reflection, we realize that everything is a gift.

This place of grace and transcendent gratitude can be bad though.

That’s where my recent Romans reflections comes in.

I am in debt to God.

If I owe God everything, then it stands to reason that I am “in debt” to God. Right? He’s done SO MUCH for me. He sent His Son Jesus to die¹ for my sin. He has declared me righteous² and forgiven as an unequal exchange – Jesus took my sin; I received eternal life. My enormous sin debt³ was paid through the riches of His mercy,⁴ demonstrated through His death on the cross.

I am in His debt.

Here’s the problem with that line of thought:

When you’re in debt – if you have any character – you desire to un-debt yourself. This is known as “paying back.”

When I carry credit card debt, I know that I’m obligated to pay back the company who has loaned me their money in order for me to have a purchase now that I don’t have the patience to save for and buy later. So being in debt obligates me to pay them back for their “kindness.”

The interest I pay, I pay without question. I know it’s a “convenience tax.” If I have to pay more in the long run, I understand the “deal.” I pay more to be impatient with my purchases.

But I do owe the money for that which I purchased. Carrying a debt, for a person of character, means I also carry the responsibility of paying it back.

I owe God everything. I am in His debt. Where that attitude becomes dangerous is in how I attempt to “pay God back.”

Living “in debt to God” leads to bitterness.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not bad to live in a state of awareness, humility and gratitude before God for His abundant kindness, grace and mercy. Not at all.

The danger comes in how you try to pay Him back.

If you attempt to pay God back with your tithe, with your service, with your church membership, with enormous/rigorous/ridiculous self-discipline because He deserves it… that’s when you’ve shifted from humble affection to self-righteous pride.

How so?

Along the way, your extreme efforts to “be a good person” – to be a person deserving of saving – to be a person who just needed a little spiritual “boost” to get over our sin problem…

(I mean, we’re not SO bad that Jesus had to die, right? We just needed a little help – not necessarily His death. That’s a little extreme. We’re basically good people, right?).

And so our attempting to “pay God back” leaves us in charge. We’ve used God’s spiritual credit card to get our forgiveness paid for, but hey, God… don’t you worry. We will pay you back. We don’t really want to be in your debt forever…

That was the problem with the unforgiving servant.

In Matthew 18:23-35, Jesus tells a disturbing parable. A servant owed waaaaaay more money than he’d be able to repay – to the king. He was finally called on the carpet for it, and in humiliation, he had to beg. He’d lived beyond his means. He had no hope. What else could he do? He was at the mercy of the king.

Astonishingly, the king showed him grace. He forgave the debt. All of it. Instantly. Ta-dah. Poof. Debt gone. Servant happy, right?

Only he wasn’t.

He left the king and ran into another servant. What happens next is baffling because he should be bubbling. Instead of ecstatic joy, we see angry bitterness. This other servant owed him money. A small debt. The guy didn’t have it on him and wasn’t able to repay him in the moment of this heated demand for settling up.

He angrily had the servant who was in debt thrown in prison. No mercy. No grace. Disturbing, right?

He had just been there himself. How soon we forget when we refuse to acknowledge our helplessness related to our debt to the king.

The rest of the story is hugely important. The other servants are so disturbed by the merciless behavior, the display of angry pride and selfishness, that they see, that they report back to the king.

“When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened.”⁵

And so the first servant makes his second visit to the king. The result is horrific. He’s thrown into jail “to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owe.”

This is the punishment he received because he disparaged the master’s grace. The king is not irate because of the debt he owes. Remember, that had been forgiven. He’s irate because the servant demonstrated that he wasn’t grateful for the king’s mercy. The servant apparently thought he had been humiliatedby the king’s forgiveness. Why? Because he didn’t want to be in anyone’s debt. He thought, for some strange reason, that he was the one in charge, supreme, master of his own destiny. He had this. He could manage. He didn’t want to be reduced to needing mercy.

I can’t pay God back.

What about Romans?

In chapter 11, Paul concludes with a beautiful doxology of praise to God. The entire chapter is pretty meaty. Paul has been explaining the difference between how God is treating the Jews versus the Gentiles. “Mercy” comes up a lot.

There’s one question in the doxology that prompted my reflection and these thoughts:

“And who has ever given to God, that he should be repaid?”⁶

God isn’t in my debt. I’m in His.

God doesn’t need my money, my time, my service, my church attendance, my sacrifice. It’s not like God and I go to lunch and He forgot His wallet and sheepishly looks over at me, and I wink at Him as in “Don’t worry about it, God. I got you.”

“For from him and through him and to him are all things.”⁷

And…

“For everything was created by him,

in heaven and on earth,

the visible and the invisible,

whether thrones or dominions

or rulers or authorities —

all things have been created through him and for him.

He is before all things,

and by him all things hold together.”⁸

It’s all His. He created it all. He holds it all together. He is not in my debt.

My best response to His abundant grace and mercy to me is not my attempt to pay Him back. It’s joy, love, gratitude and humility.

My response to God’s giving and forgiving should magnify His character. The problem with the unforgiving servant is that He made the master’s largesse about himself. He was bitter at being bailed out.

How do you respond to God’s provision to you? What are ways that you attempt to “pay God back?” How might you feel like you’re “giving to God” or attempting to put Him in your debt?

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How would you respond?x

Be careful to be joyful in the presence of the king.⁹

1. John 3:16[↩]
2. Romans 5:19, 2 Corinthians 5:21[↩]
3. Colossians 2:14[↩]
4. Ephesians 1:7, 2:4, 2:8, 3:7; Philippians 4:19[↩]
5. Matthew 18:31[↩]
6. Romans 11:35[↩]
7. Romans 11:36[↩]
8. Colossians 1:16-17[↩]
9. “As was true in the courts of many ancient kings, it was forbidden to be sad in the presence of the king. The idea was that the king was such a wonderful person that merely being in his presence was supposed to make you forget all of your problems.” (Enduring Word Commentary on Nehemiah 2:2) [↩]